stuff you ask your mom:
- mom where’s my towel
- mom what do we eat for dinner
- mom what’s time is it
- mom where’s my phone
- mom when do you come back
- mom whats day is it
stuff you ask your dad
- dad where is mom
As I struggle to study biochem and get through the last few days of this quarter… I’m just gonna take a moment to vent and reflect.
This last quarter as definitely been the most miserable and draining quarter I have. The classes are insane… and I got to a point where I was so emotionally involved with someone that I got too distracted and caught up in trying to make a relationship that wouldn’t work go on. Especially this last month, it hit me the hardest… when it hit me how badly I was doing in my classes… and when I was so hurt by that person. I literally… and I mean literally, have been crying every day for these past few weeks. That’s if I’m not at a friend’s place or out doing something. But the moment I’m home and alone in my room… when it’s quiet and I can hear my thoughts, I hear disappointment. I have been so miserable and hurt. I have been so emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted. And I hate when I start to complain about something, because I’m so blessed with opportunity and friends and family that are so loving and caring towards me. I feel I have no reason to. I’ve been so drained, and I am so done with this depression.
And to me, this sounds almost silly, but when I went to a rave last Friday… for the first time, in a long time, I just had a clear mind and just connected with the music. I didn’t care who was around me or what was going on, I had chills moving through my body, felt every beat resonate through, and just danced. I had no worries, no fear, and I was really, truly happy.
And since then, I’ve just been in a better mood. Granted, I did cry again… when I turned on my iPhone and listened to Days To Come by Seven Lions. But they were tears of joy, because I was finally able to just release the things bottled up inside me. And since then, I’ve been thinking of how to better myself and build myself into a newer person. I want to be ambitious and keep discovering new things. This is why I like change. This is why I welcome change, because I always want to try something new… and how are you suppose to know who you are as a person or the things that you actually like or dislike until you try?
In a few days, I’m flying out to India. This entire quarter, I have been terrified… but now, I’m ready to take this step and take on this journey ahead.